If you’ve visited my blog before, you know that family is everything to me. Becoming a mom was always my dream. I feel incredibly lucky to have gotten my happily ever after. This is what led me to surrogacy. My heart breaks for anyone struggling on their path to parenthood. Had I struggled on my path, I would have hoped that someone would have been willing and able to help me.
I’ve been a surrogate twice and my family and I now share a special connection with two incredible families. Aside from the days that my own children were born, delivering these beautiful surrogate babies into their parents’ arms were the best days of my life. And I know when I look back on my life, surrogacy is one of the things that I will be most proud of.
In the past year, I’ve been approached by a dozen different families, hopeful that perhaps I could help them on their path to parenthood. Unfortunately, there aren’t enough surrogates for all of the families needing help in order to reach their dream of family.
Does your heart also ache for those that want to have children but for whatever reason cannot? Do you know someone who’s struggled with infertility and you wish that you could help? Have you ever considered being a surrogate? Obviously, surrogacy isn’t right for everyone, but I believe that there are a whole lot of misconceptions surrounding surrogacy that deter some women from even considering. Many picture surrogates as poor, desperate, destitute women forced to rent out their wombs. Or they imagine uber wealthy couples paying someone else to carry their genetically perfected baby so that they don’t have to. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. Most surrogates are like me – educated, middle and upper class women who love being moms so much, they want to help someone else experience it. Intended parents choosing surrogacy have often gone to incredible lengths and many have endured so much heartache on their path to parenthood. They’re willing to move mountains, all to have a family and to love their child, perfect or not.
The number one question I get asked about surrogacy is how could I possibly carry a baby for 9 months and then just give him up? Wasn’t I totally heartbroken? My response is simple, I didn’t give the babies up, I gave them back. These babies were never mine, they were always their parents’. I was simply babysitting. Extreme babysitting.
I am not genetically related to the babies, their parents created embryos (with the help of egg donors) and their bun got into my oven via IVF. I never once felt like they were mine because they’re not. I didn’t have that overwhelming motherly love for them that I had during my own pregnancies. And when it was time to deliver the babies into their parents’ arms, I felt nothing but happiness. There was no sadness. No heartache. No feelings of loss. I know all about that crazy overwhelming explosion of love you feel when your child is born. I had that amazing feeling when each of my four children were born. And I didn’t feel that during either of my surrogate births. But I watched as their parents did. I watched as they fell in love. I watched as their hearts exploded with love. I watched as they were overcome with emotion as their long sought after dream finally came true. Getting to be a part of that, playing a role in their happily ever after, was incredible. I know it is something I will forever be proud of.
If you’re interested in learning about other common misconceptions about surrogacy, read my post here.
And if you’re wondering what it was like giving birth to another family’s baby, you can read about my first surrogate delivery, sweet baby Milo, here. And the arrival of my second surro babe, Mr. Morrissey.
Curious what my own kids think about all this? Check out this post.
Will I do another surrogate journey? Who knows what the future holds! Each time I have been approached by a family, so hopeful that maybe they’re about to be a little bit closer to holding their sweet baby in their arms, hopeful that maybe they have found someone to help them on their journey, my heart hurts for them. I wish that I could help everyone. And if either of my surro families wanted to grow their family someday, I would LOVE to help them again! Whether or not there is a third journey in my future, I will forever be proud and grateful for the two journeys my family and I got to be a part of and the two beautiful baby boys I had the honor of carrying!
If you’re considering being a surrogate or perhaps you know someone who is thinking about it, please share this information with them. Maybe you or they will decide to research it some more. Maybe two more families will travel this path together. Maybe you’ll be the missing piece that mends another family’s broken heart.
“The greatest good is what we do for one another.” -Mother Teresa
This picture makes me feel all kinds of proud. Of course, proud of the insanely cute baby that I helped bring into the world, but also so incredibly proud for playing a part in the love, joy, and happiness that is so evident on Ben and Ryan’s faces! ❤️
Luna brought Ben, Ryan, and Morrissey for her show-and-tell at preschool! 😂❤️
Such a special moment, the conclusion of our parentage court date! It’s official, Mr. Morrissey, you’re stuck with these two forever! ❤️😄
Morrissey lucked out in the parent department, Ben and Ryan are amazing fathers!
We are 35 weeks and I’ve been contracting and am dilated to 3. I dilated early with all my pregnancies (I walked around dilated to 3 for a month with my oldest), but I don’t typically have lots of consistent contractions like this. Because of the frequency of contractions, my OB suggested that Ben and Ryan consider moving up their arrival date, just to be on the safe side.
Their Bun, My Oven 